The point of this email is to explain my feelings,
As a son,
To a group of parents,
About a common discussion that parents have with their children of a certain age.
This email is not designed to inform,
To educate,
Or even to express my feelings to my own mum reading this email (hi mum).
I am aiming to present a different perspective to that of your friends, partner, or even own children (as they are biased and emotions rise very easily within families) on an interesting topic – that’s all.
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Context
I thought it was important you understood what I currently do before I tell you how I feel about paying rent in my family home.
I currently earn a somewhat modest full-time salary from ILS (the business I co-founded with my mum) which I am very grateful for but is not enough to move out of my family home.
I pay a relatively small amount of rent to my mum and have done so since I have earnt my current salary.
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Before I go into my personal feelings, I want to clearly state that I am very well aware that every situation is different.
I am absolutely not telling anyone what I think they should do – far from it.
Below are the my thoughts and emotions,
Rightly or wrongly,
That I felt when my mum and I were discussing the topic,
And to some extent I still feel now
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My Thoughts
I have to be honest,
I didn’t feel good about the idea of paying rent to my mum when the topic was first brought up.
I feel better about it now,
And I am sure it very well may be the ‘right’ thing to do now that I am earning a full-time salary,
But I do still feel a bit funny about it for two main reasons.
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Number 1 – Transactional
It feels weird paying rent to my mum in such a transactional fashion.
Is she now the landlady and I am the tenant?
Do I have rights?
What if I don’t pay my rent on time?
Now obviously some of these rhetorical questions are slightly facetious.
But the act of paying rent does feel like it shifts the dynamic.
Not so much in terms of our relationship,
More so in the sense that it feels slightly incongruent to the mother/son relationship that we have developed for the first 98% of my life.
Please hear me when I say this,
I am not saying it is wrong for our dynamic to slightly change now that I am earning a salary.
All I am trying to say is that for me, and perhaps for your children, paying rent may feel a bit funny due to this shift.
Being honest,
It feels weird that my mum is now profiting off me living here in comparison to the room being empty, which it likely would be if I moved out.
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Number 2 – Why
The other main reason why it feels funny paying rent to my mum is the question of why?
Rightly or wrongly,
My heart feels that mum should unreservedly want me to prosper as much as possible,
And the action of me paying rent to her each month prevents me from growing financially as much as I could do.
If she needs the money – which of course some parents do,
It makes me feel guilty for not paying more, or sooner, or moving out.
And if she doesn’t need the money and rather she wants it because she believes it is the right thing to do,
(Which I quite possibly agree with – I am just explaining my feelings),
The motivations make me feel a certain type of way.
As it prevents me from personally growing financially and seems somewhat transactional.
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I will be back with the strategic study tips next week.
And maybe you will see more of these different types of emails in the future.
I hope you have a great week ahead,
Best wishes,
Joel