Parents usually know best.
They do.
But the problem is,
Sometimes teenagers need to learn certain lessons for themselves.
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I really sympathise with parents when it comes to revision.
They have the life experience that shows them how ‘good’ exam results open up doors,
And perhaps more importantly,
‘Bad’ exam results close them.
All parents want their teenagers to sustain their confidence,
Learn how to work effectively,
And keep their options open for the next stage of life.
The problem is when a parent pushes their teenager to revise,
The teenager will often pull away in response.
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So how do we get around this predicament?
I can think of 3 main options as to how a parent can encourage their teenager to revise.
I am going to outline the first two options and then save the third choice
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1) It is your house so ultimately you make the rules.
This tactic is in effect the ‘parents know best’ rule.
You set clear expectations,
And ultimately if they are not met there will be consequences.
This approach definitely has its benefits.
I like the consistency of the approach and if it is done correctly,
I think the expectation can be made clear without constant reinforcement.
The tricky part is how do you make a teenager do something that they don’t want to do without resentment building up.
The answer is,
You have to build up a culture where it is something that they want to do.
But I have absolutely no idea how you do this.
How do you encourage moody teenagers to do something that you know is in their best interests through their own volition?
This is not a rhetorical question,
If we have any psychologists reading, I am sure I, along with many of you, may be interested in hearing an informed opinion.
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2) The Reward Incentive
This approach is fairly self-explanatory.
In return for doing something that they don’t want to do – revision,
The get something that they do want:
A takeaway,
Extra gaming time,
Or even money.
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Extrinsic Vs Intrinsic Motivation
A real problem with both of these approaches,
(Which is not to say they can’t be effective in isolation),
Is that they rely on extrinsic motivation rather than intrinsic motivation.
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Lisa Lai in a Harvard Business Review article said the following,
“Motivation is less about employees doing great work and more about employees feeling great about their work.”
This really resonated with me.
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I really believe that the simple reason most students do not revise,
Or hate revising,
Or feel significant anxiety surrounding revision,
Is because they have not been given a fair chance to succeed.
They have been lumped with a bunch of textbooks, a stack of flashcards, and if were lucky a generic assembly on revision and they are suddenly expected to be self-motivated,
You’ve got to be joking.
So they question becomes,
How do we help our teenagers to feel great about their work?
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Teenagers don’t want to listen to their parents (usually)
I’ll keep this short and sweet.
There is a reason why tutors and coaches often produce great improvements in attitude, confidence and competence.
By bringing in an external person into your teenager’s life, who they actually want to engage with (this part is crucial),
They will feel significantly more supported, empowered and ultimately not want to let the tutor/coach down.
We all work for the people that we want to work for in life,
And whilst there are definitely other ways to encourage intrinsic motivation,
I think this is the easiest.
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I hope you have a great wee ahead,
Best wishes,
Joel